Blogging has Begun

I've heard a million things about Grad. Projects, and personally I don't know if I'm ready for this. I'm a barely a passing student and that's because I don't apply myself. I mean, if I actually cared, and actually tried, then maybe I would go somewhere in life. But, honestly I truelly see no point to it, I see no point in school, in trying, or caring. I understand work, and trying, but I see no reason in myself caring.

I have a million interests and ideas that I could try and base a Grad. Project around, and guarantee every one I would go after I would fail at. Just because I do it every time. I get real involved, at least I think I do, in whatever project, and then reality sinks in. And, I've got nothing done, I'm not going to finish, it all becomes overwhelming and I give up. I then fail, and continue on with the same cycle. Whats worse is, I refuse help. That's a lie. I actually do seek help, then the minute I see someone willing to give me it, I say I'm perfectly fine I don't need help, and I refuse it. It's a horrible cycle and I have a real problem. But, I won't get help.

The interests I've narrowed it down to are problem going to be involved with cooking, helping the community, or technology. If it were cooking I would try to learn new dishes from all around the world, and then try and make my own taking all the new dishes, flavors, textures, and techniques I would learn from different cultures and countries. For helping the community, it would deal with nursing homes, child daycars, Ronald McDonald house. If it were technology then it would probably something off the wall like, building some computer system, or some robot. I could even combine the last two and make something technological that would help someone in a community.

I've already explained some of my really deep concerns. Like how I'm going to get real involved into my Grad. Project, and then just completely give up. I'm afraid that i'll have a mental break down in the middle, and try and kill mself, or admitt myself to Western Pysc. I'm afraid I'm going to blow this off completely and screw the rest of my life up. I have some real issues.